Spot the type!

Every school (to be fair, probably every organisation) has the stereotypical characters on staff. Think of your own staffroom - can you identify:

The martyr - the teacher who works later than anyone else, teaches more classes, has more naughty students, does more marking, gets less credit, but never, ever bitches about the job - just walks around looking ragged yet saintly.

The lad - prone to back-slapping with a wry grin, gives up his free time to run a sports club for the students, goes out for drinks with other teachers at least once a week, and seems to be on first-name terms with everyone on the SLT.

The slut - sorry, but teachers who wear very low-cut tops or very short skirts MUST be looking for attention for more than their lesson plans! This member of staff will have a bit of a history and a bit of a reputation, but will generally be a really pleasant and sympathetic person to talk to.

The life and soul - there may be a few of these - you will recognise them as the people who always have something to say at staff meetings, and it will usually involve an amusing, self-deprecating personal anecdote. They are utterly immune to the usual signals of eye-rolling and watch-checking, as they definitely have a strong fan base with whom they go drinking on a regular basis.

The ladder climber - the person who applies for every internal job advertised, determined to get up the career ladder as fast as possible. Their favourite acronym is CPD.

The wimp - why did this character opt for teaching? They are invariably home with sniffles, exhaustion or an anxiety attack after little Johnny gives them the finger in the playground. They spend a lot of time reminiscing about the wonderful school they taught in last year (then why did you leave?)

The coaster - masterful at data manipulation, this teacher can cruise for years with barely adequate teaching disguised by impressive and baffling spreadsheets. Only evinces signs of panic when Ofsted are around.

The psycho - clearly chose teaching so that he/she can intimidate children in the name of "discipline". Appears to genuinely dislike most young people, but can always justify their abusive behaviour by referring to "the rules".

The rebel - this person will be the most vociferous member of any of the unions, and will not bend one inch to do anything that is not stipulated in the contract. He or she would rather send emails and attend meetings about not filling in a form, than fill in a form, if said filling in of form is not approved by the union.

The victim - equipped with an invisible antenna to detect the slightest hint of injustice in allocation of classes/rooms/timetables/duties/emails/information/ etc etc. Usual refrain is "It's ridiculous!" or "How can they expect us to ...?"

Fortunately the vast majority of teachers are hard-working, dedicated, caring, tough and fair - believe it or not!

Next time: probably not what I say it will be, so find out for yourself!