The unofficial toolkit for teachers

There are a few essentials one needs to survive in the profession. These include:

• 30 hours in a day
• An extra pair of eyes to spot what's going on in all areas of the room at once
• Strong arms for carrying piles of books home to mark
• A BS detector for when students try to bluff their way out of something
• Thick skin so their offhand comments about your appearance/intelligence etc don't hurt
• A big heart so you can care about even the least lovable students
• A well-developed sense of humour
• Plenty of friends your own age!
• A slang translator with an auto-update facility (so you know "sick" now means "cool" and "long" now means "boring")
• A taste for cold tea
• A supersize cast-iron bladder
• A microchip in your ear so you can surreptitiously listen to music during meetings!

Personality clash

Ever experienced mutual loathing on sight with someone you teach? I know it's not politically correct to admit this, but there are some kids it is hard to like.

I am only human, after all, and period 5 on a Friday is not the best time to enter my classroom shouting "You're not the boss of me!", before spending the first five minutes of the lesson defacing most of your brand new exercise book with pointless and wholly unimaginative graffiti. Nor is it wise to keep muttering "Your mum" or "sut up" (genius, huh?) under your breath every time I ask you to stop, look and listen.

I don't mind that this student doesn't like me or my teaching style - fair enough! But what happened to common courtesy? How come many of the students from the same demographic pool are able to behave in a way recognisable as sentient human beings? What sets this child apart?

The answer came when I contacted the "responsible adults" by telephone. The female respondent (not the mother, apparently) listened to what I had to say about my concerns for the child's attitude to learning with the occasional grunt, before saying "I don't care about X's behaviour, talk to her father", and hanging up on me. The father, who sounds about 12 on the phone, was a bit more voluble.

"Oh yeah, X has always had a attitude problem, even when she was a baby. We don't know what to do about it. Sorry, can't help ya."

Interesting that you have to have a licence to drive a car, but there are no basic requirements to qualify one to bring a vulnerable human being into the world, a blank slate on which to imprint your values and attitudes.

I am going to make a special effort with child X - no matter how rude she is to me.

Maybe making history?

My school may not be up there in the league tables, but I am willing to bet we have more published writers among our students than most schools in our area ...

Last term I entered several of my students into a writing competition - they were inspired by the examples of 50-word "mini-sagas" that I shared with them, and they had a go. I love encouraging kids to write, as the curriculum does not allow for much creativity, and even the less able students seem to enjoy expressing themselves constructively - from time to time!

I was delighted to receive a letter from the publishers of "Young Writers" at Remus House yesterday, informing me that 23 of my students' stories were selected for inclusion in a book that will be published in November. One copy will be housed in the British Library, one at our school, and a few others in libraries across our county. Wow! Our school may also be in line for a cash prize, but that would just be the cherry on top of a very special treat.

What really pleases me is that among the 23 are two kids who seldom shine at anything - and who have relatively low self-esteem as a result. How wonderful if this achievement, which will be celebrated at our assembly and in our local press, prompts them to see themselves in a more positive light, and helps them to discover hidden potential.

That's why I became a teacher - for moments like this. Makes all the slog worthwhile!

PS - out of 8 new classes, only two scary students - bonus!