My greatest teachers: part 1

In my humble opinion (yes, I'm being ironic!) good teachers like to teach, but great teachers like to learn. How can you inspire anyone to learn if you don't have a passion for knowledge yourself? (I want to be a great teacher, but I will need another couple of decades of learning first!)

We start learning as soon as we become sentient, and I want to pay tribute to everyone who has taught me valuable lessons.

From my dad I learned how much I love calmness, and stoicism. He always made me feel secure and confident in my abilities. Where some people might think to themselves, in a tricky situation, "What would Jesus do?", I think, "What would Dad do?"

My brother R has shown me what true strength of character is. He has had to go through a lot, but he has always remained honourable, kind and loving. He really does turn the other cheek. He was, to be less rose-tinted about things, a bit of a tyrant towards me when he was a teenager, but boy! Did that teach me to stand up for myself! Then he became my best friend and confidante when I was a teenager.

My sister S is the sunny flipside to my often sombre personality. She has been the one to help me lighten up when I need to, and keep things in perspective. She gathers people about her like a flower attracts butterflies, and they depart happier for the nectar of her open and friendly presence (not to mention her yummy food!)

I have also gained wisdom from some of the things my relatives taught me NOT to do:

• Ride a motorcycle very fast while drunk
• Jump off a roof with an umbrella as a parachute
• Eat millipedes
• Ride a bicycle before learning how to stop (or steer)
• Drive Dad's car around the neighbourhood without a licence
• Toss empty aerosol cans into a bonfire
• Go on a long international holiday by car - without your passport
• Borrow money
• Cut your toenails with a razor blade
• Drink tea over your laptop
• Do a backflip off a swing

Mostly, my family taught me that there is a bond between people who love each other that cannot be weakened by separation in time and distance. Sadly, I have also had to recognise that simply being related does not equal being connected.

Spells I would like to cast

The title of my blog is no accident - I wish I were really a witch (a good one, obviously) so that I could bring about some magic for my students.

What spells would I cast? For starters, the Enthusiasm spell - how wonderful it would be if all the students had a love of, and thirst for, learning and knowledge! Just imagine - never having to hear "What's the point of this, Miss?" ever again! It's important to make school relevant to the students' lives, indeed, but then again, if all you ever learn is what you already know, how will you grow - intellectually, emotionally, spiritually?

My second spell of choice would be the Brief Glimpse into the Future spell. I would so love to be able to reassure the kids that, while bad hair days and spots might still occur in adulthood, they will have so little impact on ANYTHING that they are not worthy of all the angst!

With another potion, I would cast a Be an Individual spell. This would allow each student to express his/her unique style, without the fear of being judged by their peers (who are, in reality, so busy worrying that THEY don't fit in that they don't notice anyway!) This spell would need to be used alongside the Respect spell, so that no-one "expresses" their uniqueness to the detriment of everyone else.

A really useful tool would be the I Saw That spell. The next time someone lobs a ball of paper/wad of chewing gum/empty (or full) water bottle at a fellow student's head, this bit of magic would leave a bright red trail of guilty goo from the object to the offender's arm, as telling as the chemical that betrays the pool pisser with a blue cloud! It would also reverse the action, so that, like a boomerang, the hurled item would be returned to sender with satisfying results!

My personal favourite would probably be the Sticky Swear Words spell. Say the F-word (or worse) and potty-mouth's words will turn into vile-tasting toffee, making him literally eat his words. That would be more effective than my usual method, borrowed from Moss in "The IT Crowd" - saying "My ears are not a toilet!"

The ultimate, though, would have to be the I Love Reading spelling. I firmly believe that students who love reading could practically educate themselves - it's all out there, waiting to be discovered. Not to mention the hours of joy that reading provides! What a gift that would be - and I wouldn't even need to resort to writing saucy tales about my students, as one unfortunate teacher in England did!